Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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