I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
