just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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