I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
This house was built for laser tag.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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