dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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