I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think my vagina is haunted
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
