the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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