what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
