Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
