he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
