Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
where does the pee come out of this thing
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
