i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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