My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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