Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
