Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
