i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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