I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
