I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
