Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
