I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
