you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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