Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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