I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
