I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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