What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
