My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
