i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
