There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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