i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
