After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
