My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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