Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
