I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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