I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
