you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
