So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
