He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize