please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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