If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
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