When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
