Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
