Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
