i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
