When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
