We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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