im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
