My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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