I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
