i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
