I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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