No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
