Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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