I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
