i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
