You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
