So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
