It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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