so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
