I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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