just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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