Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize