He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
