I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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