my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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