allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
this hospital has no fireball
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize