I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize