Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize