Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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