You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
