After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
